1996 was a big transitional year for the WWF, as with ratings and attendance still on the decline, two of the biggest stars of the "Golden Era", The Ultimate Warrior and Jake "The Snake" Roberts, had returned. After dominant runs in WCW and New Japan, Vader had joined the company, looking like the most legit heel Vince had on the roster after crushing Gorilla Monsoon in a brutal attack on Raw. But for all the talent cycling into the company, it was nothing compared to those biding farewell. Eric Bischoff splashed the cash to lure away Razor Ramon and Diesel, two of the biggest home grown stars of the WWF. They would both completely overhaul the business later in the year, but let's focus for now on the impact these two impending departures had on the WrestleMania 12 card. Scott Hall was taken off the show completely via a very convenient "positive" drug test, meaning he would miss out on the 'Mania payday, while Nash was still booked to face The Undertaker in a singles match, but the finish would need to be significantly altered. With all of this backstage chaos, the success of WrestleMania 12 fell directly at the feet of Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, competing in the WWF's first televised Iron Man match. Could "The Hitman" and "The Heartbreak Kid" once again carry a show to greatness?
- Vince and Jerry Lawler are again on the call for this one, which comes to you from The Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim, in front of just about 19,000 fans. I can't tell if that promotional poster was just very old and the company didn't attempt to replace or if Vince was trying to use Razor to try and get more pay-per-view buys, which would be extremely scummy. It is Vince McMahon, so it could be either.
- We open things up with six man tag team action, as the now face Yokozuna teams with Ahmed Johnson and Jake Roberts to face Vader, Owen Hart and the British Bulldog, all members of Camp Cornette. Yoko had turned on Jim back in February after being replaced by Vader, and now Mr. Fuji is waving around an American flag, a very strange sight. This match is perfectly acceptable 'Mania opener, filled with main event talent but contested at a very slow pace. That's mostly because of Yoko, who is now well over 600 lbs and can barely move, though Roberts isn't much better as "The Snake" is obviously well past his prime by this point. He does at least get a big pop for hitting the DDT on Owen, but eventually falls to a Vader Bomb. This match does do a great job at putting Vader over, as he takes no bumps and batters all three faces when he's in the ring.
- The original plan for this show included a Miami Street Fight that would see Razor Ramon get his revenge on Goldust, with both men involved in a fierce rivalry throughout the end of '95 and beginning of '96. But with Hall now suspended, Roddy Piper, during a very brief stint as WWF President, stepped in to face Goldust in a "Hollywood Backlot Brawl". This match, if you can call it that, is just 4 minutes of brawling in a back alley, as was promised. Piper gets some garbage can shots in and sprays Goldust with a fire hose while a very small section of fans react, before Goldust recovers to run Roddy over with his gold Cadillac. Piper gets into his white Ford Bronco, moving quite well considering he just got hit by an effing car, and speeds off in pursuit. Nothing too special here, a literal trash brawl that does at least feel unique for the time.
- In our next contest, Savio Vega takes on Ted DiBiase's prized client, the Million Dollar Champion, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, yes you read that right. Austin debuted late in '95 as "The Ringmaster", a cunning technician capable of taking apart any opponent with ruthless efficiency. The character is a terrible fit for Austin, and this match certainly showcases just how ill-fitting it is. Austin isn't allowed to use any of his incredible charisma, and his supposedly devastating holds look incredibly weak. At least Austin gets to win his first WrestleMania match after knocking out Vega with the belt and the Million Dollar Dream, but there's a reason why these few months of his career are often forgotten.
- As mentioned at the top of the review, The Ultimate Warrior is back, and he picks up an easy squash match win over that jabroni Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Even having a very elegant Sable on his arm isn't enough for notorious jobber Triple H, as Warrior completely no-sells the Pedigee, delivering the Warrior Splash for the win. This is a complete burial, and I feel so sorry for poor Hunter, as he would win just 14 world titles and become one of the most powerful men in wrestling, a pitiful career.
- Two of the biggest men in the WWF collide, as Diesel takes on The Undertaker. "Big Daddy Cool" is currently a tweener, though he is absolutely wrestling this match as a full heel and he would completely turn in the weeks afterward. It's a solid enough big man brawl, 'Taker is starting to add a lot more athleticism to his moveset, including the flying clothesline and the Old School rope walk. Diesel is able to overpower 'Taker and hit a Jackknife from out of nowhere to a big pop, and it's here where the match starts to fall apart. Diesel doesn't go for a cover, just relaxing in the corner instead and taunting "The Deadman". 'Taker sits up and gets another Jackknife for his trouble, as that move is starting to appear very weak, especially after 'Taker is still able to get up and grab Diesel by the throat. A Chokeslam, a Tombstone, and Undertaker is now 5-0 at WrestleMania. Booking this match to intentionally humiliate Kevin Nash on the way out was a very bad call, as this could've been one of Undertaker's better matches to this point, but instead it collapsed into a meandering mess.
- Goldust and Roddy Piper are back, after the commentators have checked in on their whereabouts a couple times throughout the night. This allowed the company to just show footage of the infamous O.J. Simpson chase instead, a genuinely timely reference but one that feels very uncomfortable given the circumstances. Goldust and Piper brawl into the ring, where Piper strips Goldust of his bodysuit, revealing his lingerie underneath. A knee to the family jewels and Goldust runs for cover, assisted to the back by manager Marlena, as I guess the match is over now. It's certainly one of the more memorable parts of this show, and a sign of the future that was to come for the WWF with the Attitude Era approaching. There's certainly some fun to be had here if you like this style of wrestling, but it's very skippable if you don't
- It's main event time already, as Bret Hart defends the WWF Championship against Shawn Michaels in a 60 Minute Iron Man Match. Hilariously, Shawn's trainer Jose Lothario gets to enter to Shawn's music, a very strange visual, before gesturing to the rafters, as HBK himself ziplines his way down into the crowd. This is one of the first big WrestleMania entrances in the show's history, and Vince flips his sh** on commentary, attempting to make this seem like the coolest thing in the world. Then Bret and Shawn lock up, and trade holds for about half an hour. Yeah, the decision to have a match go a full hour without a single fall may not have been the right one, and it limits both men in the offense they can deliver. I did enjoy the story of Shawn working the shoulder and outwrestling Bret to Lawler's disbelief, and both guys do a good job trying to make it interesting, but there's only so many rest holds I'm willing to watch. The biggest spot in the opening half hour comes when Bret dodges Sweet Chin Music on the outside, as time keeper Tony Chimel is laid out, which at least puts over the severity of the move, an important story point. After the halfway point is reached, the match finally begins to pick up and to their credit, the crowd is right with it down the stretch. They certainly could've been excused to get bored of this match, goodness knows I did at points, but they didn't and should be commended. Shawn delivers a big splash to the outside, but Bret gets back in it in heelish fashion, sending Shawn into Lothario twice, seemingly trying to injure the old man. After Michaels makes his comeback, including the kip up to a big pop, Bret manages to counter a dropkick into the Sharpshooter, and with the hold finally applied, Shawn needs to survive for over 30 seconds. This finish is riveting, with the crowd reaching fever pitch and counting down the seconds, but Michaels manages to hold on as the clock hits zero without a single fall, as Hart retains his championship.
- But as Bret is exiting, Monsoon gets involved, restarting the match in sudden death overtime and Bret is rightfully miffed. Nothing in the rule book, helpfully read out by Earl Hebner at the start, ever stated that this was possible. Commentary are beside themselves, and Hart goes back on the attack, looking to finish Shawn for good. But HBK manages to connect with Sweet Chin Music from out of nowhere, a theme of Kliq members on the night, before tuning up the band to deliver one more for the title. The Boyhood Dream has come true, as Shawn Michaels is a world champion for the first time in his career. He demonstrates just how much of an a-hole he is by telling Hebner to get that piece of sh**(Bret Hart) out of his ring, and celebrates to close the show. For an hour long Iron Man match with absolutely no falls, this was about as good as you could've hoped for, both men are in their primes and tell a great story, with the action really picking up in the final 10 minutes or so. But considering what both have done in their careers, this was a massive disappointment, an experiment that was never attempted again and for good reason. When you could genuinely just take a nap for 40 minutes and miss absolutely nothing, that's not good. I'm glad Shawn got the title, this was the absolute right time to strap him, but this isn't a match that I can really recommend, though it is a unique experience if you've never watched it before.
4/10
On paper, this could've been a very good WrestleMania, with at least one future WWE Hall of Famer wrestling in each match. But so much of the show falls completely flat, especially in the completely forgettable undercard. I wasn't the biggest fan of the main event, but there was certainly some entertainment to be found and there are plenty of worse 'Mania main events out there. Ultimately, I think WrestleMania 12 is a tale of lost potential. Without the impending departures of Hall and Nash, this probably would've felt like a much more cohesive experience.
Next time on Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: I move a couple months forward to a truly historic night for wrestling, as one of the biggest superstars in WWE history is crowned at King of the Ring 1996. See you soon.
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