Of all the many moments to take place at WrestleMania 20, none was as significant, or holds as much weight today, as The Undertaker's return to his "Deadman" persona. His "Biker" phase was enjoyable, especially during his heel run in late 2001/early 2002, but it had run it's course, and with the WWE down bad after the departures of Brock Lesnar and Goldberg, it was perfect timing for arguably the most iconic gimmick in company history to re-emerge. Paul Bearer leading Undertaker to the ring, once again brandishing his trademark golden urn, was the perfect blast of nostalgia for many, a throwback to a simpler time in wrestling, and all seemed to be right with the world. But it wasn't destined to last, because good things never do. I don't believe there's ever been a specific reason given, but WWE wanted to separate Bearer and Undertaker, which I'd assert was likely their way of attempting to mold Undertaker's image for the modern day. Whether that assumption is actually true is anyone's guess, but it's no surprise that WWE, like always, were out to fix something that wasn't broken. Their method didn't work, and I'll plenty of words later on as to why, but the catastrophe that befell poor Paul Bearer on this night was just a piece of the disaster that was WWE's revival of The Great American Bash.
- The Great American Bash 2004, the first usage of that pay-per-view name by the WWE, comes to you from a highly appropriate venue for WCW nostalgia, The Scope in Norfolk, Virginia, the former home of Julius Erving and the Virginia Squires, multiple Starrcades, and the D-X invasion of Monday Nitro in 1998. While the event features very little mention of Ted Turner's enterprise, it was at least a cool throwback, and likely an exciting opportunity for those in the area who may have thought their days of seeing a large-scale local wrestling event were though. As this is a SmackDown branded show, Michael Cole and Tazz are on the call.
- Our opening contest sees John Cena, over like rover in Norfolk, successfully fend off Booker T, Rob Van Dam, and Rene Dupree to retain his United States Championship. Cena's nuclear popularity is about the only saving grace for this match, which was an awkward affair. For whatever reason, the booking team decided it was unrealistic for all four men to want to fight each other, so they rotate in and out to keep it as a singles contest at all times. There are aspects of it that worked, like Cena's final showdown with Booker, as the two go back and forth with big moves, ramping up the drama before Cena can deliver the match-winning F-U. However, the moving parts of the 4-way never resulted in the wild chaos that makes these matches so much fun, a grim omen of what was to come.
- A backstage confrontation between SmackDown GM Kurt Angle and one of his former protegees, Charlie Haas, results in Haas facing Luther Reigns, the big lump of meat that Angle has recently taken under his wing. Reigns was one of many failed projects filling up the SmackDown roster, and he demonstrates nothing of interest in this win over Haas, who goes down to the Reign of Terror (a twisting cutter). Haas put in a decent shift, and it was impressive to see him suplex Reigns a couple times, but it's disappointing that Charlie isn't moving up the card after the end of his team with Rico.
- Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero aim to steal the show again, as after a fantastic bout at No Way Out, they do battle again for the Cruiserweight Championship. This was less flashy than their previous outing, slowing it down to focus on tighter psychology, as Chavo dissects Rey's knee. Rey is a brilliant babyface, as always, building up sympathy while Chavo heels it up, wrenching the knee at every angle, which results in a wonderful sell by Rey, collapsing after being Irish whipped. I loved Rey's big bump after having his knee dropkicked from underneath him, and his comeback was fantastic, as Rey goes full lucha, springing around the ring. Chavo has multiple opportunities to put Rey down, connecting with a Gory Bomb and countering Rey's springboard senton following a hobbling 619, putting the champion in serious jeopardy with a single leg Boston Crab. But Rey is one step ahead, clawing to the ropes, before escaping with the victory after countering a second Gory Bomb with a sunset flip powerbomb. These two men are magical as opponents, and even though the slower pace meant this wasn't as exhilarating as their previous bout, Rey's expert selling and relentless underdog spirit made it an engrossing watch.
- Kenzo Suzuki is yet another of the new hires for SmackDown that isn't destined for a bright future, as a match with solid hand Billy Gunn did little to impress. I don't comment on physique often, because just having muscles doesn't make you a quality worker, as Luther Reigns demonstrated earlier, but Kenzo's look doesn't back up his presentation at all. He's simply too skinny, he can't be taken seriously as this Japanese warlord, and he's too goofy in the ring, the weird faces he was making immediately undercut any attempt to make him fearsome. Suzuki has very little in his arsenal besides claws and chops, and then when he tries a Shining Wizard, he botches that, only striking a glancing blow. I honestly can't remember the last time I saw a Shining Wizard that horribly mis-timed, it's such a simple and reliable move. For how awful it looked, though, I would've preferred that to be the finish, because Suzuki's single knee backbreaker that pinned Gunn was perhaps the worst finisher I've ever seen. I've taken worse falls slipping on ice at my back door, how the heck did a professional athlete get knocked unconscious by THAT?
- From bad to worse, Sable and Torrie Wilson put on their brand of "wrestling" in an ugly 6 minute match. A sunset flip is botched, Torrie can't roll through a suplex, they mis-time a head-to-head collision, and to top it all off, both of Torrie's shoulders are off the mat when Sable wins with a roll-up, but eff it, we all have better things to do. This match was a crime against humanity.
- I never thought I'd reach the point where a Hardcore Holly and Mordecai would be the saving grace for a show, but even though SmackDown's white walker still stinks as a character, at least both men can work. Both men trade stiff offense, before Mordecai counters an Alabama Slam and wins with his crucifix powerbomb/Razor's Edge.
- After their violent war to end Judgment Day, Eddie Guerrero and John "Bradshaw" Layfield have kept their rivalry going, clashing again for the WWE Championship in a Texas Bull Rope match, which is just a strap match, but with a more unwieldy instrument. That bull rope must've been a dickens to work with, but both men master the stipulation, wearing each other out in another hate-fueled battle. Eddie pays back JBL with several wincing chair shots to the dome, as Layfield demonstrates more caution with his blade job than Eddie did. Eddie seems to be in total control, driving towards a critical title defense, but at every step, and even while gushing a non-horrifying amount of blood from his forehead, JBL scraps and claws to save his golden dream. Layfield fires back with aggression, using his power to send Eddie flying off the top rope with a tug of the rope, then shattering the Spanish announce table with a hellacious powerbomb. Layfield's back is whipped raw with gnarly shots from that rope, but he sticks with Eddie, and in the final sprint, both men successfully complete their three corner touches, before Eddie leaps into JBL, smacking the final post for the win, or so it seems. But in a heartbreaker, and a well-executed callback to the Dusty finishes of yore, Angle declares Layfield the winner, as the rules dictated that any part of a competitor's body touching would count, and Layfield's back made contact with the final corner before Eddie's hand. Even though I adore Eddie as champion, and wish his reign could've gone much farther, this was an outstanding moment. JBL won with grit, determination, and in the end, pure luck, which didn't embarrass or diminish Eddie in any way.
- Main event time, as The Undertaker is facing The Dudley Boyz, in a Handicap match, where if he wins, Paul Heyman has promised to submerge the captive Paul Bearer in cement, effectively committing murder on live pay-per-view. There's a lot to unpack there, and my goodness, is this a weird and off-putting way to end a wrestling show. Heyman taking to the mic to admonish Undertaker for not laying down and taking the fall was entertaining, but once Bubba orders Heyman to let the match play out with additional interference, it's a chore to sit through. The Dudleys don't work the crowd, and don't seem to have any real hope of winning, as they just buy time until Undertaker makes his comeback and easily triumphs. A Chokeslam to Bubba and Tombstone to D-Von is all she wrote for this one, but the festivities are not over, as Undertaker summons an actual lightning bolt to stop Heyman from pulling the lever to kill Bearer. Instead, we get a butt-clenchingly uncomfortable few minutes where Undertaker ambles up to a pleading Bearer, tells him that he has no choice and to Rest in Peace, before sending in the rest of the wet concrete himself. Beyond the stupidity of trying to take this moment seriously, and how dull it must've been for the live crowd to watch, considering all the footage of Bearer was pre-recorded, so they were watching a dummy sit there and prepare for death, I can't fathom how Undertaker didn't turn heel after this. That man just offed his beloved manager and father (?) because, according to Undertaker on SmackDown, Bearer was a weakness that he didn't want to be exploited again. There has to be a better way for Bearer to vanish other than ritualistic murder, Undertaker, I refuse to buy that this was the only option you had. Have you ever considered a restraining order, or I don't know, just not wrestling in matches you don't want to be in?
1/10
WWE's first attempt at adapting The Great American Bash for their audience with an unholy abomination of terrible, boring wrestling, complete with nonsensical booking, several uncomfortable backstage skits involving Sable, Torrie Wilson, and Dawn Marie that bordered on softcore porn, and a laughably bad ending. It did redeem itself slightly with two sound title matches, and I'll be honest, those three women in bikinis wasn't all bad, but man, this show reeked, and not of awesomeness.
- Henry
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