Although the very first WrestleMania may not have been a success in creating an all-time classic matches, it proved that there was a place for a true supershow in the 80s wrestling landscape. Not one to rest on his laurels, Vince McMahon decided to go bigger than ever before the following year, booking the Nassau Coliseum in New York, the Rosemont Horizon just north of Chicago and the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, no prizes for guessing location there. By setting up shop in the immediate surrounding areas of three of the biggest metropolises in the US, Vince hoped to create the biggest wrestling extravaganza ever, a truly national and global phenomenon. This show was presented in three parts across all three cities, with each getting one major attraction, the Mr. T- Roddy Piper boxing match in New York, the WWF vs NFL battle royal featuring some of the legendary '85 Chicago Bears right near their hometown and the Hogan-Bundy steel cage match in LA. Such an ambitious show obviously had sky high hopes from the company, but how did it all turn out?
- Possibly the biggest problem with a show like this was the need for three separate commentary teams, necessitating several guest announcers. Easily the worst of them was Susan Saint James, who joined Vince in New York who might be the least charismatic person to ever appear on a wrestling show. Cathy Lee Crosby and Ernie Ladd in Chicago were both fine, and Elvira in Los Angeles was at least interesting though still extremely awful.
- The show opens with Paul Orndorff, still quite over, taking on the Magnificent Muraco, which is a match that certainly had some potential. The opening exchanges are solid, but then Orndorff earns his place in wrestling infamy with an extremely racist gesture towards Muraco's manager Mr. Fuji. What a great babyface, am I right? Then both men fight to a double count-out, so this was just the perfect way to start a show.
- Randy Savage has continued to ascend the ranks since his great performance in The Wrestling Classic, capturing the Intercontinental Championship. He's defending here against George "The Animal" Steele, who is pursuing Miss Elizabeth in a pretty creepy manner. Man, mid 80s WWF just had the best good guys. Savage does his best to try and get something passable out of Steele, who just can't go by this point. It turns into a comedy match, as Steele hits Savage with flowers and smears his face in turnbuckle foam, before becoming the first man to kick out of the elbow drop, which felt like it should've been a bigger deal. Savage wins anyway by stealing a pin with his feet on the ropes, so at least the right man went over.
- Jake Roberts debuted just a month prior to this show, and quickly gets a win, defeating jobber George Wells. Wells is allowed to get some offense in before being hit with a fairly weak looking DDT, at least by Jake's standards. Afterwards, Damian gets in on the fun, slithering around on Wells for a bit.
- The final match for New York is a worked boxing match between Mr. T and Roddy Piper, and this entire concept is dead on arrival. The fans don't care, I don't care, and I get the feeling like the guys in the ring don't care either. Because this is supposed to be a legitimate athletic contest, the incredible charisma of both competitors is completely wasted, as there's no opportunity for taunts or trash talk. I also think if Vince really wanted us to take this seriously, he should've brought in an actual boxing analyst, as he and Susan are completely out of their element trying to explain what's happening in the ring. Piper gets disqualified when he bodyslams T, which the crowd actually cheers, which I suppose isn't a surprise since they wanted to see some actual wrestling. F*** this match.
- Sex trafficker Moolah is back again to open up the Chicago portion of proceedings, and jobs out Velvet McIntyre in about a minute. McIntyre moved well and had some solid babyface fire, so having her just miss a crossbody and be pinned is really great booking, Vince.
- Don't look now but up next is a flag match, everyone's favorite stipulation, as Nikolai Volkoff faces Corporal Kirchner. The match was awful, as expected, but at least the finish got a nice pop, as Kirchner intercepted Blassie's cane and KOed Volkoff with it. God Bless the USA, home of the brave, etc.
- We move on to the 20 man battle royal, which I didn't know until looking into this show wasn't actually the main event in Chicago. 14 WWF wrestlers and 6 NFL players square off, and you know what, it wasn't that bad. Battle royals are sort of always destined to be mediocre, never too great but never too awful, and this one was booked fairly well. Hometown boy William "Refrigerator" Perry was well over, and got a big pop for a rather cheap elimination of Big John Studd, revenge after Studd tossed him out moments prior. It came down to Andre the Giant versus Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart of the recently formed Hart Foundation. Andre got the win and another nice WrestleMania moment, last tossing out Bret, who at least got presented as a treat for making it this far. More on Bret in a moment, but I thought this was enjoyable enough and felt fitting of a big show like this.
- Main event of Chicago, as the Dream Team of Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake, defend their tag titles against the British Bulldogs. It took seven matches to get here, but we finally get some actual wrestling, what a novel concept. Davey Boy and Dynamite move well and hit hard, and get some big reactions from the Chicago crowd. Smith's running powerslam to Valentine gets a big pop and looks great, and at this point, I noticed that Beefer offered almost nothing to this match. He just stood on the apron, and ran in a couple times to break up pins and just be a general nuisance. Brutus does actually get tagged in, and immediately does the job, as Davey Boy sends him crashing into Dynamite's head for a flash knockout and a three count. We've got new tag team champions and at least the show has one decent match going for it now.
- We move to Los Angeles, where Ricky Steamboat squares off with Hercules, still carrying the surname Hernandez at this point. I've got to be honest, I wasn't paying attention to most of this match, but what I did see wasn't particularly interesting. Hercules just can't keep up with The Dragon, who moves his WrestleMania streak to 2-0 with a flying crossbody. It's here that I need to note that apparently, Steamboat was scheduled to face Bret Hart at this event, but for whatever reason, that match took place a month prior in the Boston Garden instead. My jaw dropped when I read that, seriously, WTF Vince? We could've gotten Bret Hart vs Ricky Steamboat on this show, and you passed? F*** off.
- Adrian Adonis, now in his "Adorable" gimmick, takes on Uncle Elmer in a match that just seems designed to go on WrestleCrap. It sucked, but you didn't need me to tell you that.
- Tag team action up next, as the Funk brothers of Terry and Dory Jr., known here as Hoss, take on the Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana. Why is Dory called "Hoss", I have no idea why they felt the need to re-name him and in my opinion, Dory Funk sounds better than Hoss Funk anyway. This match isn't awful, it's a very old school style brawl, with the heel Funks cheating to get openings and the faces using power offense to get the occasional pop. Terry uses Jimmy Hart's megaphone to get a cheap win.
- Main event time, as Hulk Hogan defends his WWF title in a steel cage against King Kong Bundy, who has Bobby Heenan running interference. I liked the story leading into this one, as Hogan was injured thanks to a post-match attack by Bundy on Saturday Night's Main Event, and hasn't received medical clearance to compete. Like a classic face, he's going at it anyway because he wants revenge on Bundy that badly. The match is pretty entertaining if lacking in moves, as the psychology used and investment from the crowd puts it over the top. Bundy uses Hulk's own medical tape to choke him, while Hogan busts the challenger open by throwing him against the cage, and opens him up with right hands. The winner was always obvious, though both the crowd and I popped big for Hogan's no-sell of the avalanche. A leg drop isn't enough to keep Bundy down, but we get the classic timber spot, as the challenger is sent toppling to the mat, and Hogan climbs out and drops to the floor to retain his title. Hogan takes out Bundy as well post-match to send the crowd home happy, and at least end this miserable dreck on a high note.
1/10
The one good thing I can say about WrestleMania 2 is that it was a pretty easy watch, with the three distinct sections of the show helping it keep moving along at a decent pace. The inclusion of different style of matches was also a plus, though the boxing match was a huge miss. I found watching and reviewing this show to be significantly easier than The Wrestling Classic, but there was so much more good on that show. This is easily one of the worst wrestling pay-per-views that I've ever watched, and while I'm sure we'll see some pretty bad stuff over the course of these reviews, this is going to be pretty hard to beat as the bottom of the barrel. Let's just move on.
Next time on Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: A lot of the worst of the worst is out of the way for right now, as we move onto something that most people actually enjoy. It's WrestleMania III, featuring perhaps the greatest match in 'Mania history between Randy Savage and Ricky Steamboat, and a clash of the titans between Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant! See you soon.
- Henry
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