Though I did skip out on the WWF's first Royal Rumble in 1988, because the Rumble only consisted of 20 men and wasn't broadcast on pay-per-view, I'm not missing out on this one. Obviously, this is still in the days before the winner would get a title shot at WrestleMania, which is an important distinction considering who won. I have reviewed a couple Royal Rumbles on this blog before, though it has been a while since the last one which was in 2018. Let's see how I fare.
- We open the show with a two out of three falls six man tag team match, which is the first one I've ever seen. Jim Duggan teams with the Hart Foundation to take on Dino Bravo and the Fabulous Rougeaus, and it's a very solid opener. I really love Jacques and Raymond, they both are capable workers and their heel antics made me laugh a couple times, they really seem to relish being as annoying as possible. This match does drag a bit after Bret is pinned for the first fall, with the heels working a prolonged beatdown, but picks back up again after the hot tag. The crowd in Houston is white hot and really makes the face team seem like superstars, with Jim Neidhart especially presented well as a powerhouse. The faces get two straight falls to win the contest, with the deciding pin coming after a cheap shot from Duggan's 2x4, a bit of heelish way to win but it got a huge pop so I didn't mind.
- Time to break way back down, as the Women's title is on the line with champion Rockin' Robin defending against Judy Martin. Neither woman is a particularly great worker, though Robin is especially dreadful in this match, she can't sell and her offense looks very weak. The match isn't helped by Sensational Sherri on commentary, as though she did have some good promo work later on in her career as a manger, she is insufferable here. Robin gets the win as women's wrestling certainly appears to be at a real low point, both for the WWF and the entire industry.
- The following "match" is a posedown between "Ravishing" Rick Rude and Intercontinental Champion The Ultimate Warrior. Obviously, I'm not the target audience for this segment, but I'll give both men credit for at least trying to add some extra charisma and showmanship to proceedings. From the second this segment starts, you can guess exactly where it's going, as Rude has a metal bar with him the entire time. Sure enough, after four poses, Rude blindsides Warrior with the bar before choking him with it, and the attack looks surprisingly weak, at least to me. I think a beatdown like this generally works better with a chain or a strap, something a bit more flexible. This was a giant waste of time.
- Speaking of a waste of time, the title of "King of the WWF" is on the line in our next match, as King Haku faces the former King, Harley Race. This feud began after Race was injured in a match with Hulk Hogan, leading Bobby Heenan to crown Haku as King in his place. This is essentially a heel versus heel match, with Heenan managing both men, and as such, there's really no reason for anyone to care. The live crowd certainly didn't, and why should they, the end result would just be Heenan managing the winner and the King title means absolutely nothing. Haku wins with a thrust kick after a very slow match, and no one cared.
- It's time for the main event of the evening, we're already here, as it's the first 30 man Royal Rumble match, with only a winner's purse on the line. This Rumble match is split into two halves, with the first being quite entertaining. Demolition start off fighting each other, you've got a continuation of the Jake Roberts-Andre the Giant feud and some great wrestling between Mr. Perfect, Shawn Michaels and Arn Anderson. Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan enter and we get a big moment between them, when Hogan tosses out Bad News Brown, who also had Savage over the ropes and both men tumble out. Savage immediately gets in Hogan's face, and Elizabeth has to calm them both down, a perfect character touch. Then the Big Boss Man and Akeem enter, they eliminate Hogan who gets revenge with a cheap elimination of the Boss Man, which is pretty dirty but again, it got a big pop. It's here where the match falls off a cliff, as the final 20 minutes or so is just slow, plodding big guys and midcarders. At least we do get Ted DiBiase purchasing the number 30 entrant from Slick, another great piece of character work. In the end, though, "The Million Dollar Man" gets his comeuppance when the recently returned Big John Studd tosses him out to score a pretty shocking win. Even after all these years, Studd is still one of the more surprising Rumble winners, though given the match wasn't for a title shot, I suppose Vince just wanted to have an unexpected babyface victory. All in all, this was a very average Royal Rumble, entertaining enough to hold my interest but nothing I will ever need to see again.
3/10
I really did want to like this show, the Royal Rumble tends to be an extremely fun watch. But there's just so much filler, and even the good, like the opener and main event, have almost zero stakes and very little investment. Other than the skirmish between Hogan and Savage, nothing really feels like it needed to be on a pay-per-view, especially one that is supposed to be building to the biggest WWF event of the year. This show was a huge letdown, and while it was better than some of the other schlock I've watched doing these reviews, that's really not a high bar to clear.
Next time on Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: WrestleMania 5, where the Mega Powers explode, as Randy Savage defends his WWF Championship for the first time on pay-per-view against Hulk Hogan. See you soon.
- Henry
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