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Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: ECW Barely Legal

Well, I've covered WWF and WCW now on this blog, so it only seems right to take a trip to the Extreme and see what Paul E. Dangerously has to offer. I've read and watched plenty of takes on this show, but before today, I've never actually watched ECW's first foray into pay-per-view. I'm excited, let's do this.













- I will say, the production value on this show is certainly a step down from everything else I've watched so far, which makes sense when you consider ECW's paper thin budget. The start of the show features a barely audible Joey Styles, and in general, there are a lot of problems with sound mixing, as quite a few promos are just completely overwhelmed by music. It's not enough for me to ding any points off the final grade, and does add to the promotion's grimy aesthetic, though it makes the viewing experience a bit more difficult than it should be.


- The opening contest features my main squeeze, Perry Saturn, as he teams up with John Kronus to take on the Dudley Boyz. I've primarily only ever seen Bubba and D-Von as faces, so watching them heel it up is always refreshing, and I thought their characters added to this match. The Eliminators are a really fun watch, but this bout feels completely condensed, a 15 minute match given only 6. I still enjoyed it, but it didn't reach the heights that I felt were well within reach.


- Here's a match I was really looking forward to, as Rob Van Dam takes on Lance Storm. RVD was a late replacement for Chris Candido, and maybe that plays a factor, as yet again, this match wasn't quite as good as it possibly should've been. Once again, it was still really damn good, but given the two men involved, it did feel disappointing that it wasn't a true classic. I though the finish was executed very well, as RVD catches Storm with a Van Daminator and then ends it with a standing moonsault in two fluid motions. I also think Van Dam's gimmick is great, the cocky heel seeking nothing more than to get out of ECW to a more prestigious promotion, a perfect foil for this hardcore crowd. It's certainly much better than anything WWE ever did with him.


- One thing that always made ECW stand out was their willingness to feature different styles of wrestling completely foreign to the mainstream American audience, and this Michinoku Pro showcase match is no different. You could probably be fair in calling this a spotfest, but I think this is probably the best version of that style I've ever seen. All six men take turns wowing the crowd, and don't slow down for a single second of this near 17 minute match. I particularly loved the antics of bWo Japan, as Terry Boy, Dick Togo and Taka Michinoku have so much fun just clowning around with their opponents, including using Great Sasuke as a base for a great three man pose. I was also really impressed with Gran Hamada, who used his power really efficiently. I had not heard of Masato Yakushiji before watching this match, and although he wasn't putting on the best performance out there, he did work at a really fast pace and had a couple nice armdrags and top rope dives. This match is an incredible watch and really puts everyone over well, though as a showcase match, there's no real story or well defined characters to latch onto. For in-ring action, it's easily the best of the night.


- We now go more into the storyline portion of the card, as after breaking the neck of Pitbull #1, Shane Douglas is in the crosshairs of Pitbull #2, with the TV title on the line. For starters, it really must suck to be called Pitbull #2, that name is so generic and seems really demeaning to poor Anthony Durante. Also, this match is really, really dull, a complete contrast to the excitement of everything else before this and also a real letdown considering the intense story. I mean, Shane and Francine are the most detestable heels, true scum who broke a man's neck for absolutely no reason. But you just can't invest in Pitbull #2's quest for revenge, because the match itself is as standard as it could possibly get, just two guys trading headlocks and nearfalls. The ECW fans have more fun hurling abuse at Francine, and I can't blame them, I completely tuned out after the first five minutes. And then this intense grudge match ends with Shane winning with a belly to belly suplex? I know that's his finisher, but it's a really underwhelming finish when you have all of these weapon shots going on. At least Rick Rude pulls off a cool swerve at the end, using Brian Lee as a distraction to leave Douglas laying, but it doesn't make up for wasting 20 minutes of my life, Paul.


- In what is easily the most hyped match in ECW history, at least to this point, Taz faces Sabu in a heated rivalry match. The feud between these two men had spanned over a year, seeing both men attempting multiple attacks on the other, while Taz routinely beat up Sabu's tag partner, Rob Van Dam. But the danger in promoting a match as being one of the greatest in company history before both men even lock up can be seen plenty in modern day WWE, and unfortunately, this one didn't come close to living up to the hype. There's nothing inherently wrong with this bout, no ugly botches or nonsensical booking, but Taz and Sabu simply don't have a ton of chemistry in the ring. They both just cycle through their repertoire, while the crowd sits on their hands, waiting for something interesting to happen. But the match just builds to meekly to the finish, where Taz hits a series of suplexes before applying the Tazmission for the win. The post-match turn, as Sabu joins forces with RVD and Bill Alfonso, is fine I guess and that alliance would stick around for a while, but this just felt like a massive letdown, a footnote in history for what should've been a defining match in ECW's entry into the national spotlight.


- Three way dance up next, as Terry Funk, now over the age of 50, attempts to defy time in his pursuit of capturing ECW's most prestigious prize. He's facing the Sandman and Stevie Richards of the bWo, and I'll admit to not really looking forward to this match. It didn't look great on paper, but to my relief, turned out to be pretty entertaining. It's a more scripted match than most of the others on the card, just moving for spot to spot and incorporating plenty of weapons. The story of Funk's incredible resolve and desperate push for the title adds tons of extra drama that's mostly been missing all night, and Terry himself has a great outing here. Stevie and the Sandman play their roles well, as Richards is quite over, with the fans even chanting "bullsh**" after Sandman kicks out of the Stevie Kick. Funk and Sandman team up to eliminate Richards with a powerbomb, leaving the two men to ravage each other with weapons, as Sandman escalates matters when he introduces a length of barbed wire into the mix. In the end, Richards gets his revenge, hitting Sandman with a superkick and allowing Funk to survive and advance with the moonsault.


- But although Terry Funk has pulled off a miracle, he's not done yet, as Raven now enters for the main event, with the ECW World title on the line. Funk is putting everyone else to shame with his selling, as he's covered in blood, twitching on the ground and looking like he's on the verge of death, drawing sympathy like only he can. I was totally invested by this point, absolutely ready for old Terry Funk to do the impossible and find the path to victory, but that's not what we got. Instead, Big Dick Dudley and other members of Raven's Nest attack Tommy Dreamer, who was on commentary to support Funk. That's the cue for Dreamer to get involved, fending off the attack before hitting Raven a DDT. The finish is unfortunately botched, as Raven kicks out after Funk makes the pin, but the bell erroneously rings, leading to mass confusion before Funk just school boys Raven a moment later for the actual win. For all the terrific work building up to this moment, I didn't enjoy the conclusion, as Funk needed multiple interfering wrestlers to pick up two fluke wins, and the botch at end certainly didn't help. In the biggest night in company history, ECW needed to stick the landing, but couldn't quite deliver. It's still a great payoff and the right way to end the night, but it could've been better.


6/10


No match on this night truly felt like a classic, as easily the high point of these 3 hours, the six man tag, was really just a showcase bout with nothing on the line. The Shane Douglas match was terrible, Taz-Sabu didn't live up to expectations and the main event was overbooked and failed to present Terry Funk as a worthy champion of the company. Despite all that, it was still a fun show to watch and one that mostly flew by, certainly a lot better than most of what WWF and WCW had to offer at the time. It's hard to get too upset at what ECW gave us on this night, as for a maiden outing on pay-per-view with a shoestring budget, it certainly could've been a lot worse.


Up next on Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: ECW Heatwave 1998.

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