It turns out that Art Donovan and a returning Roddy Piper were not enough to bring back lapsed viewers to the WWF, I can't believe that one didn't work out, Vince. Don't worry, though, because the one true deity of the wrestling world still had a few more calls he could make. Chicago Bears legend Walter Payton made an appearance at SummerSlam, cornering Razor Ramon for a match against Diesel taking place in the "Windy City", but Vince needed something more. He needed a local phenomenon, he needed the hottest star in all of pop culture, he needed a man with three fists stuffed in his beard, and a jaw so chiseled it could cut through a jet engine. Vince McMahon needed Chuck Norris, dammit. Norris was booked to be the outside enforcer for the second Casket match between The Undertaker and Yokozuna, to prevent any chicanery from taking place this time around. Time to stop and smell the cherry blossoms, Yokozuna, because you've yee'd your last haw.
- Survivor Series 1994 comes to you from the Freeman Coliseum in San Antonio, Texas, a venue that the WWF last visited three years prior for This Tuesday in Texas (my review of that show is here). Your commentary team for the night is Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon, who have come prepared, sporting ten gallon hats and some spiffy Western wear.
- Our opening contest is the first of three traditional elimination matches as The Bad Guys (captained by Razor Ramon and also featuring The 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, and The Headshrinkers, Fatu and new tag partner Sione, the former Barbarian) take on The Teamsters (Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Jeff Jarrett, Owen Hart, and Jim Neidhart). The opening ~15 minutes of this one are quite good, with some always excellent work by The Kid before Diesel goes on a big run. Diesel is tagged in and bludgeons Fatu with a clothesline, before picking up the elimination with the Jackknife Powerbomb. 1-2-3 tries to put together a rally but is snuffed out with another Jackknife, and the same fate awaits Sione, though the Jackknife is nowhere near as impressive on the third go-round, with Diesel needing to hoist up a heftier, less agile man. Bulldog is counted out while brawling with Hart and Neidhart, leaving Razor all by himself. Ramon tries his best to survive, but falls to the fourth Jackknife, as it looks like Diesel is about to put together a clean sweep all on his own. But Shawn Michaels wants a bit of the limelight, and tags in to try and finish off Razor with Sweet Chin Music. Ramon dodges and Diesel eats leather, leading to a fracas involving the two allies. The entire rest of the team attempts to calm down the incensed Diesel, but with all five members having vacated the ring, the official counts them all out and declares Ramon the victor. I'm not sure how that finish makes any sense, surely there should be some warning to the participants that hadn't been tagged in that they now needed to enter, and it certainly didn't seem like the other three men were gone long enough to have a 10 count applied to each of them in turn. Outside of the dodgy ending, everything else in this match was executed well, and sets the stage for a showdown between Diesel and Michaels in the near future.
- Another year, another terrible match involving Doink, as he leads the Clowns R' Us team (also consisting of three little person wrestlers named Dink, Wink, and Pink) against Jerry Lawler's Royal Family team (with a trio of little person wrestlers named Queasy, Sleazy, and Cheesy). Yeah, I'm not reviewing this.
- Bob Backlund made his return to the WWF in late 1992, initially competing as a lovable, quirky babyface, a massive departure from his years spent as WWF champion in the early 1980s. Backlund didn't seem to have much of a role in the product until earlier in '94, when he competed in an exhibition match against current WWF Champion Bret Hart. Backlund appeared to have the match won, but Hart still prevailed, and with that one loss, Bob's brain broke. Now a prudish, totally unhinged heel, Backlund has claimed that he never technically lost his title in '83, as manager Arnold Skaaland threw in the towel without Backlund having been pinned or submitted by The Iron Sheik. Backlund challenged Bret to a Submission match, where the only way to win is to have your cornerman, Bulldog for Bret and Owen Hart for Backlund, throw in the towel and give up on your behalf.
- With the set-up out of the way, let's head to the WWF title match between Bret and Backlund, which is an old-school, mat wrestling affair, as both men attempt everything in their power to inflict damage on the other. While this might not be the most exciting style of wrestling in the world, and I'll admit that my interest did stray at points, both men are masters of this particular craft and make the battle for holds riveting at points. Bret, with a more dangerous arsenal, manages to take control by cycling through his match-ending sequence, locking in the Sharpshooter. At this point, it's time for Owen Hart to overshadow everything. Bret's younger brother breaks up the hold with a bulldog, and is chased to the outside by the human Bulldog, avoiding an attack that sends Davey Boy Smith careening into the steel steps, to be knocked out cold. Backlund gets in the Crossface Chickenwing, and Owen is inconsolable, with Bulldog still unconscious on the floor and Bret trapped in one of the most effective holds in wrestling. Owen approaches his parents, Stu and Helen, who are conveniently sitting at ringside, pleading with his mother to throw in the towel on Bulldog's behalf. Stu attempts to put a stop to it, seeing no issue with one of his sons in crippling pain, but Helen finally breaks down and sends the black and pink fabric flying into the ring. With the crowd stunned into silence, Owen springs to life, snatching the towel and dashing backstage, while Backlund slowly realizes that his precious belt has been reclaimed, staring down at his hands in a stupor. While the match may not have been a barnburner, the saga involving Owen was a masterpiece, taking full advantage of all the heated emotion this feud has built over the past year, and making him even more detestable in the process. The ending did stretch on for way too long, the Chickenwing was applied for over 9 minutes, and Bret and Backlund ran out of ways to keep selling it after a while. Still, it all reached a brilliant finale, and Backlund has once again been established as one of the top threats in the company. It's just a shame his reign would end mere days later.
- Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Corporation is being groomed for a featured act on the WrestleMania card, so it's only natural that Ted's Million Dollar Team (Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, King Kong Bundy, and the Heavenly Bodies) should go over the opposing team of Guts and Glory (captained by Lex Luger, and also featuring Adam Bomb, the Smoking Gunns, and Mabel). The collection of talent in this match wasn't as impressive as the opener, but the action was still entertaining at points. That was mostly thanks to some big dudes hitting some big moves, with Mabel taking out Tom Prichard with a second round crossbody, Bam Bam eliminating Adam Bomb with his top rope moonsault, and Bundy pinning Luger with a running splash for the win. Lex did get some revenge on Tatanka, who turned heel on Luger at SummerSlam, rolling-up the Lumbee native for a three count, but Tatanka gets a chance to repay the favor as he, Bigelow, and Bundy have Lex on his own after the bell. The trio do inflict some damage, but are stopped from continuing further when the Smoking Gunns and Adam Bomb run down for the save, which gets a surprisingly big pop considered who was involved.
- Main event time, as Yokozuna and The Undertaker settle their year-long feud in a second Casket match. Their first bout at the Royal Rumble wasn't much to brag about, mostly featuring run-ins from assorted other heels, but this time, they're working on their own for the most part. Both men put in a shift to make this feel like a worthy main event, with Yokozuna bringing out a leg drop and a Uranage, and Undertaker stealing the show with a ridiculous top rope clothesline. The Million Dollar Corporation return, as they have their sights set on taking out "The Deadman", with Bundy and Bigelow distracting Chuck Norris while IRS leaves Undertaker laying after a sleeper hold. The hometown Texans aren't about to take this injustice lying down, though, as Undertaker battles his way out of the casket by grabbing Yoko around the neck, while Norris sends Jeff Jarrett flying with a very weak thrust kick that got a tremendous pop from the San Antonio faithful. A DDT, a big boot, and Yokozuna is sent stumbling into the casket, and Undertaker puts an exclamation point on his win by snapping Mr. Fuji's flag, tossing the remnants in before the lid is slammed shut. This wasn't a terrible show closer by any means, both men put forth a solid effort, and the involvement of Norris at ringside added to the sense of occasion, although he didn't actually do very much.
6/10
Outside of that terrible Doink/Lawler match, this was a fun night, with a hot opener, a well-executed WWF title match, and a solid main event. My biggest problem with Survivor Series is with how formulaic it can feel, as you can clearly tell that the event isn't held in high regard behind the scenes, leading to a thrown-together card with little story advancement. The finishes of the opener and the title match helped make this show feel important, and worthy of actually watching, a rarity for a Survivor Series.
Next time on Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: Royal Rumble 1995, featuring another rematch, this time between Bret Hart and Diesel. See you soon.
- Henry
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