Business was slowly beginning to trend downward for Vince McMahon and the WWF by the start of 1991, but our favorite a** kicking billionaire knew just what was needed to turn things around. At the Royal Rumble, Vince put his top prize on Sgt. Slaughter, looking to exploit the political fervor surrounding the Gulf War to translate into significant interest for a WrestleMania main event between Slaughter and the eternal American savior, Hulk Hogan. In the process, a feud began between Randy Savage and former WWF Champion The Ultimate Warrior, creating a potential money match to anchor the midcard, similar to what Vince had with Savage/Steamboat and Andre/Hogan in advance of WrestleMania 3. McMahon was thinking big time, booking one of the largest venues in the entire country, the Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California, in an attempt to get even more bodies into a stadium than he had with the Pontiac Silverdome in '87 and the Toronto SkyDome one year prior. But you know what they say about the best laid plans. Vince's gamble blew up in his face, as it quickly became obvious that there was no chance of filling anywhere near the ~90,000 seats in the Coliseum, so the WWF was forced to move to the adjacent Memorial Sports Arena instead, which seated less than a quarter of the Coliseum's capacity. There are a number of factors that could have attributed to this disinterest from paying customers, and I'll get into some of them in this review, but one main point was now made clear: WrestleMania wasn't the draw it used to be. While it would take a few more years before business truly began to bottom out, this was the clearest warning sign that the "Golden Age" for the WWF was nearing it's end.
- WrestleMania 7 comes to you from the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, in front of what is technically the smallest announced attendance for any WrestleMania ever, at 16,158. Now, WrestleMania 2 did take place in front of two smaller crowds than this, and of course, WrestleMania 36 was attended by literally no one, but I wouldn't personally count those as actually being smaller. 'Mania 2 was held in three different venues, and only drew a few thousand less people than this show, so between the three hosts, it blew this out of the water. And we all know why 'Mania 36 had no attendance, that wasn't the fault of anyone to do with the WWE. Look, I personally don't care how many people show up to watch WrestleMania, I think Vince is probably the only person who really cares about that, but I do find it hilarious that he tried so hard to exploit a real-life conflict, rather than actually building an intriguing main event feud, only to have it backfire to this extent.
- Our opening contest is a tag team match, pitting The Rockers against two members of the Heenan Family, Haku and The Barbarian. Lots of fun wrestling to be found here, with Michaels and Jannetty keeping up a frenetic pace over 10 and a half minutes. Haku and Barbarian hold up their end with some crisp offense, including teaming up to spike Shawn on the top rope, but eventually fall to a dropkick from Marty and a crossbody from Shawn. In the lineage of WrestleMania openers, this was definitely above average, but unmemorable.
- In a short match, Texas Tornado keeps up his momentum with a win over Dino Bravo. Not much to say about this one, Bravo had a nice chop or two, but any actual move these two guys tried was either sloppy or completely botched. They have absolutely no chemistry and are both well past their best years, so only letting them go 3 minutes was a good idea.
- Davey Boy Smith made his return to the WWF near the end of 1990, and with Dynamite Kid staying behind in Japan, Smith has completely taken over the "British Bulldog" name. Bulldog is in action against The Warlord, and the two have a shockingly decent outing. I'm not anything close to a fan of Warlord, but he proved capable of working a match here, while Bulldog carried most of the action. The story of the match is Bulldog using his explosiveness to slowly wear Warlord down, and the crowd is fully behind the young Brit. Warlord gets in his trademark full nelson hold, but Bulldog breaks free, and after a trade of near falls, Bulldog lands an impactful running powerslam for the win. Best match of the night thus far, which I'm shocked to have typed.
- The initial incarnation of the Hart Foundation comes to an end on this night, as Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart drop the WWF tag belts to the Nasty Boys. It's sad to see one of the highlights of these early WWF pay-per-view part ways, but at least they went out strong, with an entertaining match here. The crowd is super hot for this one, and Bret puts in another tremendous performance, totally outclassing Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags with his slick offense and great selling. "The Anvil" gets in his always terrific hot tag, but Knobbs and Sags cheat their way to victory with an assist from manager Jimmy Hart and his megaphone. This wasn't the best Hart Foundation match I've seen, but it was a high point for this show and a good way for the team to go out.
- The last few matches provided the quality wrestling, so it's time to shake things up and offer some classic sports-entertainment, as Rick Martel and Jake Roberts square off in a Blindfold match. This is the payoff to Martel blinding Roberts with Martel's perfume, as now, both men are on an even playing field with their vision obscured. A match like this is easy to mock, as it takes a heated grudge match and turns it into a circus act, but even though it was a bit goofy, I thought this was still highly entertaining. Jake relies heavily on the fans to guide him through it, and the folks in attendance rallied behind him, providing guidance and popping huge whenever Jake got his hands on Martel. This is definitely one of those "less is more" kind of matches, with only a few moves performed in over 8 minutes, but that decision paid off huge, as the crowd went ballistic when Jake landed the DDT. No matter how silly this stipulation was, both performers made the most out of it, and accomplished what I believe is the central goal in wrestling: make the audience care.
- The Undertaker's legendary WrestleMania streak begins in the following contest, as the young Phenom picks up a win over Jimmy Snuka in exactly 4 minutes and 20 seconds. The match was nothing special, Snuka wasn't capable of much more by this point in his career, but I thought it was another good showcase for one of the future stars of the company. Undertaker stands out as something completely different, with his slightly unnatural mannerisms in the ring and complete lack of facial expressions, but it's athleticism that really puts him over the top, nailing a diving clothesline that got some extra attention from the fans in attendance. Unfortunately, the finish was slightly botched, as Undertaker was supposed to catch Snuka in mid-air and go right into the Tombstone Piledriver, but Jimmy's weight was just a little too much, and the transition wasn't completely clean. Still, this was one of the better short matches on the night, and is worth watching for historical context.
- On to the real main event of the evening, as Randy Savage battles The Ultimate Warrior in a match where the loser must retire. Insanely high stakes for this one, set up by an entertaining angle back at the Rumble where Sherri tried to seduce Warrior into giving Savage a title shot, and Sherri stays a central character for this match. She's heavily involved in the opening minutes, getting a lot of shots in on Warrior, clearly showing that Savage is outmatched and needs every advantage Sherri can get him. Savage manages to capitalize on all the work his Queen has done, and lands five straight elbow drops, each connecting with full force and leaving the fans in a state of shock. You have to remember, in this era, finisher kickouts were extremely rare; you might not even see a designated finishing move in a match, let alone more than once. So Savage hitting one of the most devastating moves in all of wrestling, five consecutive times, already made this match feel like something well beyond the normal confines of a WWF match.............and then Warrior kicked out. Warrior rallies, and hits the Warrior Splash, and now Savage kicks out. For the first time, Warrior seems to be at a loss, his best shot having failed him, and it leads to a brilliant spot where Warrior, hands spread in astonishment, looks to the ceiling above, questioning his gods as to whether continuing to compete is truly his destiny. I can understand if this was a little too far-fetched for some fans, but I was totally hooked. What we were witnessing seemed beyond all reason, so jumping from there to complete supernatural BS made perfect sense. Warrior finally finds his divine help, and with three straight shoulder blocks, ends Randy Savage's career. Look, I'm no fan of the Warrior. I've found him bland as a character and lacking as a performer, but this was booked to take full advantage of his strengths, and he made the more avant garde aspects of the match work. This is definitely his finest hour in my opinion.
- But the drama hasn't ended yet, as Warrior vacates the ring, and the crowd slowly realizes what they've just witnessed. A beaten Savage has no time to come to his senses before Sherri is on him, berating and kicking him. It makes perfect sense that she's pissed; Savage was her meal ticket, and despite all the help she offered in this match, he still came up short, like he had so many times before since the two formed their partnership. Sherri has every reason to be upset, but she's being unreasonable in expressing that anger, and Savage doesn't deserve this. Enter Miss Elizabeth, who runs in to save the man who tossed her to the side, and Elizabeth gets more physical than she ever really has before, clearing Sherri from the ring. Savage recovers, and he and Elizabeth stare each other down, the tension palpable and the crowd eating it all up. Finally, we get one of the wrestling most emotional moments, as Savage and Elizabeth embrace, causing several fans to completely break down in pure happiness, and the segment ends perfectly, with Savage reversing the roles by lifting the middle rope for Elizabeth. What a saga this was, from the formation of the Mega Powers in '87, to the feud between Savage and Hogan, to everything on this night, booked to absolute perfection, on this night, at least. This was such a joy to witness, and a shining example of why story-telling is the most essential part of wrestling.
- For some reason, Vince has decided to bring in a few ringers from Japan, in the form of Wrestling Association "R" founder Genichiro Tenryu and former accomplished sumo competitor Koji Kitao. They pick up a win over Demolition, and I'll be honest in saying that I didn't really watch this match. This is the absolute death spot after the emotional last half hour, and what I did see from this match was far from impressive.
- The Big Boss Man turned face early last year, with his first big feud under his new alignment coming against Bobby Heenan, who had some unkind things to say about Boss Man's mother. This leads to an Intercontinental title match, as Boss Man challenges Heenan's star pupil, Mr. Perfect. I didn't know what to expect from this one, Boss Man hadn't impressed me much from what I'd see out of him to this point, but this turned out to be a pleasant surprise. Perfect, as always, is terrific at putting over moves and elevated Boss Man's largely bland offense, and the challenger gave it right back. Boss Man made Perfect's rolling neck snap look devastating, and was totally willing to charge full speed into the ring steps, which made Perfect seem like the most cunning performer in the building. The match falls apart, though, when Andre the Giant makes his return, as after Andre clocks Perfect with the belt, Haku and Barbarian run in for a lame DQ finish. It was great to see Andre again, but this match deserved a proper finish.
- Greg Valentine has now turned face, moving out of the shadow of Jimmy Hart, who decides to send Earthquake in to teach Valentine a lesson. Quake does just that after about 3 minutes of action, putting Valentine away with an Earthquake splash. It's a shame that Earthquake has fallen so far out of the main event scene since his feud with Hogan, but at least he gets a clean win over an established name.
- Legion of Doom then pick up an easy win over Power and Glory in just under a minute. Paul Roma was apparently working hurt, so that's likely the reason why this was a squash.
- One of the biggest moments to start the year off was Virgil's face turn at the Royal Rumble, finally standing up to Ted DiBiase in what was genuinely one of the biggest moments of this era. Virgil isn't alone as he goes into battle with his former boss, as he's picked up Roddy Piper as an advisor along the way in an obvious attempt to get Piper's starpower and charisma to rub off on Virgil. That decision fell completely flat for me, as Virgil and Piper have no chemistry together, and it just ended up with Roddy overshadowing Virgil by comparison. Virgil could have made up for that with a great performance against DiBiase, and while his early punching sequences went over well enough, the match was a dud. Virgil just feels out of place working in the same orbit with these legit stars, and the finish does him no favors, as DiBiase gets counted out fighting Piper. The focus shouldn't have been on those two, but it now seems obvious that Virgil is literally an afterthought, even to the guy whom he just betrayed. Terrible.
- One more squash match to get through, as The Mountie picks up a win over Tito Santana. I do enjoy The Mountie's outlandish character, and winning by using his shock stick was at least different, but no one's going to care about this one.
- Main event time, as Sgt. Slaughter defends the WWF Championship against Hulk Hogan. After a grueling 13 match card and over 3 hours of wrestling, we've finally gotten to the end, and honestly, I just don't care anymore. In fairness, the guys in the ring didn't care either, working one of the most boring matches I think I've ever seen, with no attempt to add any sizzle to the steak. This whole angle was contrived and exploitative BS, and Slaughter had no business getting anywhere this position. Props to Hogan for blading, that was something, but this was a complete failure. At least Hogan's match with Sid the following year had the hilarious botched run-in by Papa Shango, that was memorable and added some levity to a really dull match. I just watched this match a couple hours ago and I can't really tell you anything that happened in it. F*** off Hogan, f*** off Slaughter, f*** off Vince. That's it, I'm done.
7/10
Despite that horrible final hour, WrestleMania 7 still delivered more entertainment than any 'Mania had to this point. The peak was obviously the Savage/Warrior match, plus the following segment with Miss Elizabeth, but the first two tag matches were both good, and the blindfold match, IC title match, Bulldog/Warlord, and Undertaker's win were all highlights. If I have that much quality action to talk about in a show, I can't consider a failure. I'm not sure I would suggest watching this entire show, because that means watching the main event, but seeking out any of those matches, especially Savage/Warrior, would be a worthy use of your time.
Next time on Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: SummerSlam 1991, featuring "The Match Made in Heaven" and "The Match Made in Hell". Plus, Mr. Perfect versus Bret Hart. See you soon.
- Henry
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