Yesterday, I announced the beginning of my quest to cover every single WWF/WWE event ever made, and I'm pretty excited to get going. We begin today with the first wrestling pay-per-view in history, the inaugural WrestleMania. This is generally considered the biggest gamble in wrestling history, as Vinnie Mac attempted to transform his pop's company from a territorial New York promotion into a global superpower. Vince brought in several big names, including A-Team and Rocky III star Mr. T to team with Hulk Hogan in the main event. This was all designed to be a counter to the NWA's first supercard, Starrcade '83, about a year and a half prior, which featured Ric Flair dethroning Harley Race in the main event. Did it pay off? Let's find out.
- The show gets off to a great start, as Howard Finkel gives us the classic WrestleMania introduction, before "Mean" Gene Okerlund sings the national anthem. Gene is surprisingly good in this performance, and I loved every second of this. RIP to both of these great men, I got chills.
- It's the first match in WrestleMania history as Tito Santana faces The Executioner, who is "Playboy" Buddy Rose from the old Portland territory. The entire look for Rose is pretty goofy, and the match is nothing special, though Tito does deliver a cool powerslam from the apron into the ring. Santana gets the win with with a flying forearm and the figure four, not the greatest way to begin proceedings in the ring.
- We got a squash match up next, as King Kong Bundy easily dispatches of S.D. Jones is what Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura say was 9 seconds, but was actually 17. Again, not much here, but I thought Bundy looked impressive, getting some nice height on his big splash.
- I hoped for a bit more out of Ricky Steamboat and Matt Borne, but the trend of forgettable matches continues here. Both of these guys are very capable workers, but Borne just isn't allowed to get much offense in so the match never reaches second gear. At least Steamboat's chops looked good, and he was over, so there's that.
- Finally, something actually substantial, as David Sammartino, accompanied by his legendary father Bruno, takes on heel stripper Brutus Beefcake, who has Johnny Valiant in his corner. These two are actually allowed to wrestle a match, a revolutionary concept, and it's not awful. Beefcake does a good job drawing heat, while David, despite lacking any real charisma or flash, is at least very proficient on the mat. This match is the first to eclipse double digits in ring time, but ends in a non-finish, as the managers get involved for a double DQ. I would be more upset at the finish, but Bruno got a huge pop for his involvement so at least it served a purpose.
- The first four matches of the night have seriously lacked in stakes and intrigue, but the next contest looks to contain both, as Greg Valentine defends his IC strap against the Junkyard Dog. I've not seen much from JYD in my time watching wrestling, but I loved his presentation here, he's a really natural babyface that's easy to support. Unfortunately, the Dog's offense was pretty lackluster, as his crawling and standing headbutts looked really weak and he doesn't seem to have many moves in his arsenal. Ol' Tito is back, getting involved after Valentine steals a cheap pin with his feet on the ropes, leading to the official reversing his decision and counting the champion out. A really disappointing match, especially with a title on the line, with a confusing finish, as I think Greg was supposed to be portrayed as a chickensh** heel, but actually looked like a face, attempting to return to the ring to finish the match. Man, this sucked.
- Second title match of the night, as the US Express, Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham defending the tag belts against the dirty heel foreigners, The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff. Love the challenger's shtick, old school heeling at it's finest, and I thought Sheik was definitely the best performer of the four, hitting a nice gutwrench suplex. It's a shame his legacy is primarily defined by dropping the belt to Hulk, because I really think he could've been a true top heel in this era. Sheik helps Volkoff get the win by smacking Windham in the back of the head with manager Freddie Blassie's cane for the first title change in 'Mania history. Not an awful match at all.
- It's a clash of the titans, as Big John Studd, accompanied by Bobby Heenan, takes on Andre the Giant in a $15,000 Body Slam Challenge. The Fink confuses me a bit before the match by saying that there would be a pinfall, but to make it clear, if Andre slams Studd within the one hour time limit, he gets the money, and if he doesn't, he retires. As you could probably expect with the two guys in the ring, the match itself is very clumsy, both men kind of just running into each other. Andre wears down Studd enough to slam him for a massive pop from the MSG crowd, and begins to start tossing out the money after the match before Heenan can snatch it away and escape. It's a great sight to see these two monsters face off, but that's about all this offers.
- Women's wrestling actually gets a place of some importance on this card thanks to the presence of Cydni Lauper in former champion Wendi Richter's corner. This is the peak of the "Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection" that saw the WWF greatly expand their profile, getting some big events on MTV. Richter is challenging Leilani Kai, who won the belt from Wendi with help from notorious scumbag and sex trafficker the Fabulous Moolah. The two ladies surprised me with what was actually a semi-decent match, as Richter's selling making her a perfect babyface, and she hit a cool fireman's carry spinebuster, which I definitely wasn't expecting. The finish is unfortunately very clumsy, as Kai's top rope crossbody is kind of reversed by Richter, who gets the three count. I think one of Kai's shoulders might have come off the mat early, but no one cares.
- Main event time, and it's a tag team match for the first and only time in WrestleMania history. Before we get there though, it's celebrity time, as former New York Yankees infielder and manger Billy Martin is the guest ring announcer, Liberace is the guest time keeper and Muhammad Ali teams up with the most famous man of them all, Pat Patterson, to officiate the contest. We've got Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff, with "Cowboy" Bob Orton in their corner, teaming up to face WWF Champion Hulk Hogan and Mr. T, with Jimmy Snuka in theirs. The fact that this is a tag match is strange, as it really should've just been Hogan vs Piper, as those two have the most heat in their exchanges and are presented like the biggest stars, at least out of all the wrestlers. The match is sports entertainment in it's purest form, four guys just relying on charisma and old school psychology to get the crowd invested. I thought Piper was great with his mannerisms and facial expressions, though I loved hearing the massive pops for the Hulkster, he's truly presented as a massive star. The finish sort of came out of nowhere, as Orton dives off the top and accidentally KOs Orndorff, who Hulk pulled into the way leaving the champ to score the pinfall. All in all, nothing special and nothing I ever plan to rewatch, but it's not a bad way to close the show.
2/10
Boy this one's tough to evaluate. Historical importance should dictate at least a 9 or a 10, but through a modern lens, it could easily be a 0. The in-ring action might be the worst I've ever seen, especially considering the resources put into the production and celebrity name value. But I think the pageantry and pure ballsiness of this show save it from being at the bottom of the barrel, at least for me. And hey, no matter how I feel about it 35 years later, WrestleMania turned into the biggest event in wrestling and Vince owns the world, so it can't have been that bad.
Next time on Henry's Pay-Per-View Reviews: we jump seven months forward into the timeline, as this time, we will get the Hogan-Piper singles match, plus a one night, 16 man tournament at The Wrestling Classic. See you soon.
- Henry
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